This Southern Faggot's Blog


I need something. What can make this better?
July 13, 2009, 2:41 am
Filed under: Thinking Thinking | Tags:

My dad called today.

Apparently he talked to a judge today and is going to get some sort of paper work that will sign over my moms… rights, “free will”, or something, over to my dad, so he can make her go to the hospital. Every time she makes a doctors appointment, the day of, so “gets sick” and can’t go. It has probabably happened 30+ times at this point.

This sounds really terrible and fucked up, but I can’t think of anything that would work at this point, except for just leaving her in the bed to die.

Apparently my dad had no idea that my mom drank as much as she does. The only reason he found out is because he is having to buy her wine now.

A box of wine every 2 days should be some sort of record.

I have known this information for almost a decade now. How could he not have noticed? How could he not have known?

Also, I found out that he didn’t know that she hardly smoked anymore and completly didn’t know for the first 10 years of their relationship.

You are probably noticing a trend here. My family does not talk, at all.

I thought he knew how much she drank. I feel like I should feel terrible for knowing all of this time, but never talking to him about it. Could it have helped? I wish I could say for certian that it wouldn’t have, but I really have no way of knowing that.

What’s going to happen to my parents relationship when strangers come into their house to take my mother away, regardless of what she wants? They can’t get divorced, who would babysit my mother? They need to get divorced, but they can’t. I can’t even imagine what that must feel like for my dad, being attached to this thing that is sucking the life right out of him.

At this point, I feel no pity for my mother. I have spent the last 10 years of my life working as hard as possible to not consider her a “mother” anymore so that i am not attached. I can’t care. I want to. But I just can’t.

What am I going to say when I have to visit her in a mental institution? “How’s it going?” “Nice feeding tube” Thats an exciting conversation. I guess it will give us more to talk about than what we have right now.

My dad is going out of town next Saturday, if all of this does not keep him from leaving. We had to talk about hiding the car keys so she dosen’t try to drive. I told him that she would certianly get pulled over, get a DUI and go to jail, best case scenario.

I had to hear my father say that would probably be a good thing. Truth be told, it would be.

What an awful day. I am so glad I mananged to stay busy so that I didn’t have to think about it.

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