This Southern Faggot's Blog


Meaningless, has this all been meaningless?
September 30, 2009, 11:15 pm
Filed under: Adorable, Interesting day | Tags: , ,

It is really frustrating that everyone is claiming this as ‘anti-gay’, instead of ‘anti-military’. I mean, it’s not suprising, but I don’t understand how someone could see that and automatically decide that the destruction of the billboard had EVERYTHING to do with faggots and NOTHING to do with americas killing machine.

Today, I went to this small local hardware store, in search for replacement ceramic heaters for the super old heaters in the new house (which from now on will be the ‘headge house’). Here I am, standing in the back room of this hardware store and  in front of me is AN ENTIRE WALL of different ceramic heaters. Not just 10 or 20 different ones, but AN ENTIRE WALL of hundreds of slightly different ceramic pieces. Some of them were really beautiful, but it seemed that out of hundreds of these things, none of them fit the heaters I have. In the end, I realized that each of them would cost $22 each and I needed 15 of them and it would be cheaper to just buy new heaters. But, this isn’t the point. I don’t really know what the point is, aside from the fact that they had hundreds of these things, with no sort of organization or way of finding which one you needed. It was really beautiful.



hopelessness
September 28, 2009, 6:06 am
Filed under: Thinking Thinking | Tags: ,

I have this sense that if I can be absolutely specific about everything that has failed me, about all my hopes that have now become hopeless, about everything that I’ve wanted that I might still want or maybe I want something else, if I can be absolutely specific, ruthless even, completely open then maybe I won’t feel so hopeless anymore.

Yes Mattilda, YES.

I am very tired (this is possibly unrelated to the above quote. But might actually be caused by it. Not sure)



To whom it concerns
September 27, 2009, 5:02 pm
Filed under: People I wish I could forget, What is this shit? | Tags: ,

Dear world,

The joke, “Oh, what’s your name THIS WEEK?” isn’t funny. On average, my name has changed once every 22 years, I’m pretty sure that even you can keep up.

Hope all is well with the faimly and kids.

Love,

TSF



Country songs about drinking
September 25, 2009, 2:54 pm
Filed under: People I wish I could forget, Thinking Thinking, What is this shit? | Tags:

Not drinking, at social events, where the main event seems to be drinking, is really draining. Last night I had a little bit to drink, just a little, but I realized that it is drinking that keeps me able to go out to social events like shows. But that’s a really confusing dynamic and maybe explains why everyone drinks so much.

I would really like to be completely sober, but nights that I remember what I was thinking , just make me realize that I really hate everyone. A lot. I still want to go out, because being social feels like something I should do, but when I go out, it is always really stressful and draining, which is killing me.

I am not really sure there is a way that I can balance not wanting to not drink, with still wanting to go out and be social, while at the same time, not wanting to kill everyone. I could clearly not go to shows anymore, but they are one of the few people related things that I still love a lot. Hm.



Fuck that.
September 25, 2009, 8:11 am
Filed under: People I wish I could forget | Tags: ,

Tonight, as I was riding with some faggot, who I thought was not terrible, we were stopped at a stop light, outside of a gas station in a mostly Black neighborhood and he decides to yell “HAY NIGGAZ!” (I assume that’s how he would spell what he said). Clearly they couldn’t hear him over the classic rock he was blaring, but he did not understand, at all, why I got as upset as I did.

What the fuck is wrong with people.

Tonight was a huge, huge fucking disappointment. I glammed myself up (or down, i guess) and went out to see this somewhat popular band that is supposed to be fag friendly, or whatever. But it turned out to be your average, punk scene, we love dudez show. Whenever I find myself having some sort of respect for humanity, all I have to do is go out to shows like tonight and I can forget all about that respect. People are the worst. God damn.

At least I got a kiss goodnight from a straight dude. I guess that was the highlight of my night. Sigh.



To Market, To Market

From Ruthann Robson’s Piece, “To Market, To Market”, from “Queerly Classed” (thanks for the recommendation, Mattilda!).

“Relying on statistics derived from “marketing surveys” designed to convince advertisers that lesbians and gay men could be a profitable market, the New Rights utilizes rhetoric with shocking similarities to pre-World War II anti-Semitism to portray us as economically privileged. The portrayal of lesbians and gay men as economically privileged serves New Right rhetoric in at least two ways. First, the depiction taps into already existing class resentments and anxieties. Second, the myth of economic advantage counters any claim that lesbians and gay men are discriminated against. Yet, our own rhetoric has often not effectively countered these falsehoods; instead, we have employed class biased stereotypes to deride adherents to the New Rights, ranging from the polite implications concerning a lack of education to more explicit insults like “trailer trash” and “shitkicker.”

I have, personally never heard anyone called a “shitkicker” and don’t even really understand why that would be an insult. I guess farmers who walk through fields where animals are raised? I would have used “redneck” as an example, which I think I hear a lot more often than either of these two.



L’s Farm
September 24, 2009, 6:04 pm
Filed under: People to remember | Tags:

I left Farmville open (on facebook) and when I got back, I had a notification that L needed help on her farm.

I miss her so much.