This Southern Faggot's Blog

God damnit
November 20, 2009, 7:50 pm
Filed under: my head hurts. | Tags:

Yesterday, the person that I am closest to in the whole world, found out that he tested positive (ELISA and Western blot) for HIV.

I am so upset at him. I wish I could stab him for every time he justified bare back topping, because the HIV transmission rates are statistically low. I wish I could hit him, scream at him, whatever it takes, but that wouldn’t do any good. Clearly.

I need to get over this before I can be any real help to him, but I don’t know how. I can’t just forget and go on, as much as I wish I could. I don’t know how to not be really, really upset at him.

How could he fucking let so much ride on numbers.


1 Comment so far
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I’m the person who writes askaho, and I just wanted to go back to you and let you know I responded to your comment (very belatedly). I’m sorry to hear about your friend. It is so very heartbreaking and frustrating when people in your life test positive, and your emotions make a lot of sense. As a sexual health educator it is compounded by the fucked up way in which realistic risk information about HIV is continually (and intentionally) miscommunicated by public health institutions. The all around apathy around HIV is understandable in the face of the unresolved trauma of the AIDS crisis but rates are rising and I wish that once again the queer community would take action to protect itself.
I hope that it doesn’t feel gross for me to talk about the political context of HIV transmission – it sounds like this is a very personal and real thing for you. I’ve just been thinking A LOT about it recently, trying to make sense of this world.

I also wanted to invite you to read my other blog –, which is a more personal account of transness/sex work.


Comment by Cyd

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