This Southern Faggot's Blog


Toes, are you still there?
December 29, 2009, 4:15 am
Filed under: Faggot Rant | Tags: , , , ,

I don’t think I will ever understand how people can get so excited while watching sports. Like, yelling at the tv in a bar, because they are so excited. I mean, I can recognize that they are bonding with other people in the bar, but really, I can’t think of anything that would excited me SO much that I would be inclined to shout at a tv.

It is 3 days after Christmas and I am still getting Merry Christmases every I go. I wish I had something witty to say that would let these people know that I have no desire to celebrate Christmas. I mean, maybe it’s really more for them, than me, anyway? Maybe the simple act of saying Merry Christmas to people, makes them feel better. I sure hope they are saying it for themselves and not for me.

I haven’t turned any tricks in so terribly long. That’s kind of no good.



My back aches a lot
December 24, 2009, 5:55 am
Filed under: Nothing Terribly Important | Tags:

I wish small talk mattered. I wish that when people asked me what I do with my day, or what I do to entertain myself, they actually cared. I wish that they were expecting me to open myself up and pour everything out, letting them see and dissect everything that is living inside me. But, I know this isn’t what they want, so it always catches me off guard. Um, I don’t know, I sit around and read. Thats… mostly it.

I want people to get it, that when I say “I need to go sit and read”, I am not using the word ‘need’ lightly. No one understands that it is a need, it’s the only thing that keeps me going. It’s what keeps me in communication with people outside of this place. It’s the only thing that lets me know that everyone in the world isn’t a drunk asshole.

It is the end of December and it is raining, not snowing and very warm outside. I don’t know what to do with any of these things



Stinky Dick
December 24, 2009, 3:57 am
Filed under: Faggot Rant | Tags: , , ,

I fucking hate that EVERY faggot who has tried to bareback me without my consent, has on their various faggot profiles, “Safe Sex Only”. No, thats a lie. I know it’s a lie. Or, was I an exception? If I am an exception, what is it about me that makes you think I would be okay with you sticking your dick in my ass without a condom?And when you stop people and are all “Um, no you aren’t putting that in there without a condom” they will always try to talk you out of it, laughing it off like its no big deal.

No it is a big deal. I really don’t understand how you could think it isn’t.



New scabs, old wounds
December 22, 2009, 1:35 am
Filed under: Faggot Rant | Tags: , , ,

For most of my life, I have been involved in liberal activism. I was never interested in lobbying, or interacting with talking heads or any of that, I always liked interacting with real people. With that being said, clearly it was all bullshit. I don’t regret having spent so much of my life and time on things that I now see as completely useless, but I’m not proud of those years of my life, either. I am still kind of involved with this liberal fag group, who used to be interesting but now are awful, but it’s complicated.

Anyway.

I tell you my history, because I have been thinking a lot about this white, liberal idea that we have to ‘meet people where they are’ and how much I really, really hate this. In my experience, ‘meeting people where they are’ gives ‘activists’ the power to look at someone and judge where they might ‘be’ and then talking to them, after already having made that call for themselves. This leads to white, middle class ‘activists’ talking to people of color, “rednecks”, poor folks and folks with differing abilities, like they are complete, utter morons. You know, because clearly someone in rural Arkansas could never understand anything as complicated as your desire to fuck some dude. BUT, because you are told to ‘meet people where they are’, this is okay. It is completely okay that you are talking to this person like they are a moron, because you assume thats where they ‘are’.

If people aren’t ‘where you are’, that does not automatically mean they are wrong. Especially since most people (in my experience) who preach this, are people with power and privilege. Of course many, many people are going to find it difficult to ‘be where you are’. But that’s okay, because where you are isn’t necessarily the best place for everyone (or, anyone) to be.

Instead of just saying you ‘meet people where they are’, maybe you need to instead actually be looking at where they are, in relation to you and figure out why y’all aren’t in the same place.

In other news, I have this really fabulous scab on my knee. For my entire life I have been completely fascinated by scabs and ALWAYS pick at them (and eat them. Clearly), but I am leaving this one on my knee alone and it is really amazing feeling. I am very excited for the day it comes off (and I can eat the hell out of it).



Things for Hire
December 19, 2009, 2:42 am
Filed under: Nothing Terribly Important | Tags: , , ,

I want a job where all I do is make coffee and use a copy machine all day. These are the two most exciting things in the world for me.

Maybe I should become a secretary. I would clearly want to have a boss who I secretly serviced behind closed doors, then we would get to spend all day pretending that he wasn’t hiring me for a fuck on the side.



Don’t Hurt Me
December 15, 2009, 8:01 am
Filed under: Ducks | Tags: , , ,

My sleep schedule has gotten really fucked up, lately. I guess it’s a good thing because I am getting a lot of reading done, but sleeping past 9 in the morning always makes me feel like I am wasting my day. I need to figure out how to train my body to not think that sleeping when it is light outside is necessarily wasteful.

The ducks at the park have become an obsession for me, but I think I am okay with that. I find myself thinking about them a lot and constantly wanting to go visit them. To be clear, this isn’t one of those relationships, like on movies, where I go so often that they start to see me as one of their own, or anything. They still run away if I get too close and they still honk if you try to pet them. But their is this one specific duck that always seems to be especially nice, or energetic, or something. It is always in this very specific place when I walk by and generally when I walk by, it will waddle away in the most adorable, I-need-to-get-somewhere-quickly-because-I-have-shit-to-do way possible. Part of me thinks that I can see excitement on its face, but I might be making that up.

I want to spend a day at the park and just follow this one specific duck around and see what it does all day. Maybe I will do that tomorrow.

I might be getting my roomate a fleshlight for their birthday/christmas present. I want to think of some sort of fabulous way to package it.



Cold Duck Feet
December 12, 2009, 4:54 am
Filed under: Ducks | Tags: , ,

Today all I did was watch the ducks and read.

Today was a good day.