This Southern Faggot's Blog


A Touch of Class
January 29, 2010, 6:11 pm
Filed under: Adorable, Interesting day, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

Oh yea, I forgot to mention that A Touch of Class, the Undie Cleaning Service my roomate and I started, has our first client! It’s kind of strange because he is being real professional with the whole thing and we just want to have fun cleaning in our undies, but it should be fine. His house, as you can imagine, is already spotless, we just have to do basic stuff and ALL HIS MINI BLINDS.

Ugh, I hate mini blinds so much. But, I am excited overall.



Falling ice

Wait, so what exactly is falling from the sky right now? Freezing drizzle? Is that different from snow? What about hail, could that just be small hail? Is freezing drizzle different from freezing rain? No one has really ever addressed these things for me, which is fine because it never happens here, but it is right now and I want to understand what that noise is outside.

I want to move so bad. I am so tired of my house and its 6 windows. I need more l-i-g-h-t! How did I make it through the whole winter with such little light? Their is this really cute place next to our house for cheap, but the layout is so wacky, my roomate is not all for it. Maybe a house will open up down the st., in the neighborhood where everyone I know/all the punk kidz live. That would be fabulous.



Wait… is that kid a FAGGOT?!
January 27, 2010, 9:09 am
Filed under: Fun games | Tags: , , , ,

You know when you are at a house, with lots of people and you are the only Faggot in the entire place and someone says Faggot real loud, as an insult or part of their conversation and everyone stops what they are doing to look directly at you and see what you are going to do?

Normally I hate that, but tonight, I was hanging out after a show (which is something I never do, I should more often, though) and for some reason it just kept happening, with different people. Someone would say Faggot and I would have to defend the word, not because I necessarily care about people using Faggot, but because if I don’t, nobody will. I mean, I guess I care. Clearly I care, its all about c-o-n-t-e-x-t.

But anyway, it kept happening tonight and normally I have having to deal with that, but tonight, it was really fun. Having a real life Faggot in the house isn’t something most kids are used to, so it’s fun to watch them try to deal with that situation, for maybe the first time in their whole lives. I am glad I get to be there to watch them get flustered, stutter and apologize 25 times.

Oh, except for that one really young drunk kid who wasn’t upset that he used a ‘naughty word’, but was just upset that a word existed that he could not use. The idea of a word, or something he could not do, seemed really foreign and upsetting to him.



Goodnight Moon
January 20, 2010, 7:32 am
Filed under: Interesting day | Tags: , , , , , ,

It’s nights like tonight. Nights of complete solitude that make me stop asking “how could I ever stay” and start wondering “how could I ever leave?”



It didn’t rain today.
January 19, 2010, 10:23 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,

I have an almost overwhelming desire to be a home owner. I want nothing more to have a place that I can call home. I want a place that is always requiring my time, fixing this, working on that.

I want to live with someone, for the first time in my life, that I feel completely comfortable with. I don’t want to have to choose what parts of me I feel able to share with them. I want to be able to talk about consent, abuse, vulnerability, sex work, gender, sexuality. I want to be able to have conversations without having to leave any part of myself behind, because I know they won’t agree, or they won’t get it, or refuse to.

It scares me that I would be completely comfortable ‘settling down’ RIGHT NOW. It scares me that I feel so comfortable planting my roots, at an age that people would consider ‘so young’.

It scares me that all of these desire don’t involve you.

You would still be in my life, clearly, but you would be playing a far smaller role than you have been playing over the past 5 years. What would it even feel like to not live in a house with you, to not be able to see you multiple times a day? Somedays I think this would be the most healthy thing for us, some days I think that might kill me. Or you.



Oh, your nails!
January 15, 2010, 10:34 pm
Filed under: Interesting day, Tricks turned | Tags: ,

Oh yea. The dude that I cammed for yesterday, absolutely LOVED my nails, which are orange and green right now. Which is funny, because I thought about removing it before hand, because I knew that my nails would be very visible in the cam and didn’t feel like having to listen to some fag tell me how distracting they were.

But no, he loved them. Actually, he just kept saying how hot they were and how he could not believe that they were painted.



Oh

Today I got paid for my first cam show, which is something that I was trying really hard to make happen a while ago, but gave up on. This dude appeared out of the blue and completely made my day.

I really like it when people tell me what to do, when I am on cam with them. In real life, I don’t like that during sex, at all, I want to talk about and work things out with my partner, not just have them tell me what to do. But during a cam session, it’s real hot. I think a lot of times, what I find really hot about sex is when I can do everything possible to please the other person. I think that I have mostly given up on ever being really excited about sex, so I guess since I won’t get much out of it, I should make it as amazing for the other person as possible.

But I don’t need to just give up on it like that. I am just really bored with vanilla sex, I need more, but don’t have anyone to experiment with. Hm.

Today I spent a lot of time thinking about my childhood.

Like that time in middle school, the day before I was going to see Britney Spears in concert (!!!!) and a kid in class put gum in my bowl-cut-hair. I was completely mortified, because I KNEW that they would have to cut my beautiful hair and Britney would somehow see it and think I was ugly.

Have I ever talked about my Britney Spears obsession? Let me tell you, it was such. a. problem.

The only time I ever got into a fight, aside from just getting the shit beaten out of me on the playground, was when someone took a picture of Britney from me on the bus. I went completely insane and just started crying and I didn’t hit the person, but I wanted to really bad. Someone held me back, which I am sure was pretty easy.

As a kid, I had this cousin who lived in California and I was always terrified to go to their house. For some reason, I had this idea that his mom had some sort of liquid that, when you were ‘bad’, she would put in, on, or around your ass/anus and it would sting real bad. I know that I had nightmares about this mysterious liquid, but I don’t remember why. I am almost certain that they were based off something that happened at that house. Looking back, I am wondering if this was just me being a really weird kid, or if I was, or witnessed someone being (sexually) abused at that house. I feel very strange typing that whole thing out, because I haven’t thought about that place or time in a really, really long time and I don’t remember why I started to today. I wonder if I will ever figure what that was all about.