This Southern Faggot's Blog


Oh

Today I got paid for my first cam show, which is something that I was trying really hard to make happen a while ago, but gave up on. This dude appeared out of the blue and completely made my day.

I really like it when people tell me what to do, when I am on cam with them. In real life, I don’t like that during sex, at all, I want to talk about and work things out with my partner, not just have them tell me what to do. But during a cam session, it’s real hot. I think a lot of times, what I find really hot about sex is when I can do everything possible to please the other person. I think that I have mostly given up on ever being really excited about sex, so I guess since I won’t get much out of it, I should make it as amazing for the other person as possible.

But I don’t need to just give up on it like that. I am just really bored with vanilla sex, I need more, but don’t have anyone to experiment with. Hm.

Today I spent a lot of time thinking about my childhood.

Like that time in middle school, the day before I was going to see Britney Spears in concert (!!!!) and a kid in class put gum in my bowl-cut-hair. I was completely mortified, because I KNEW that they would have to cut my beautiful hair and Britney would somehow see it and think I was ugly.

Have I ever talked about my Britney Spears obsession? Let me tell you, it was such. a. problem.

The only time I ever got into a fight, aside from just getting the shit beaten out of me on the playground, was when someone took a picture of Britney from me on the bus. I went completely insane and just started crying and I didn’t hit the person, but I wanted to really bad. Someone held me back, which I am sure was pretty easy.

As a kid, I had this cousin who lived in California and I was always terrified to go to their house. For some reason, I had this idea that his mom had some sort of liquid that, when you were ‘bad’, she would put in, on, or around your ass/anus and it would sting real bad. I know that I had nightmares about this mysterious liquid, but I don’t remember why. I am almost certain that they were based off something that happened at that house. Looking back, I am wondering if this was just me being a really weird kid, or if I was, or witnessed someone being (sexually) abused at that house. I feel very strange typing that whole thing out, because I haven’t thought about that place or time in a really, really long time and I don’t remember why I started to today. I wonder if I will ever figure what that was all about.

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it s funny writing comments on posts that are 6 months old… maybe you wont read them. I used to do cam model as well, it was so easy but then got really hooked on jerking off online for/with other people. It was really quite easy money, i was living in that squat and got my first laptop with my money from escorting. I could do cam shows in my room all night, all the time and i did. I stopped after a guy got into this rape roleplay fantasy scenario. It made me feel more humiliated then if i had him in flesh in front of me. I could just see his hands typing on the little screen, and shaking from i guess was an excess of coke, and so much hatred in his toneless words he was writing… soon after that i stopped doing cam shows.

And once in that same squat i lead a Britual, a love ritual for Britney cos she was having a really hard time, more or less the period after they shot her website down.

Love your blog.

Comment by bubble




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