This Southern Faggot's Blog

It didn’t rain today.
January 19, 2010, 10:23 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,

I have an almost overwhelming desire to be a home owner. I want nothing more to have a place that I can call home. I want a place that is always requiring my time, fixing this, working on that.

I want to live with someone, for the first time in my life, that I feel completely comfortable with. I don’t want to have to choose what parts of me I feel able to share with them. I want to be able to talk about consent, abuse, vulnerability, sex work, gender, sexuality. I want to be able to have conversations without having to leave any part of myself behind, because I know they won’t agree, or they won’t get it, or refuse to.

It scares me that I would be completely comfortable ‘settling down’ RIGHT NOW. It scares me that I feel so comfortable planting my roots, at an age that people would consider ‘so young’.

It scares me that all of these desire don’t involve you.

You would still be in my life, clearly, but you would be playing a far smaller role than you have been playing over the past 5 years. What would it even feel like to not live in a house with you, to not be able to see you multiple times a day? Somedays I think this would be the most healthy thing for us, some days I think that might kill me. Or you.


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