This Southern Faggot's Blog

June 25, 2010, 5:51 am
Filed under: lessons learned, mom | Tags: ,

I thought I was not going to have to deal with this anymore, I apparently was wrong.

My dad is out of town, so out of pity, I agreed to go to dinner with my mother. She seemed really fucked up right when I picked her up, although she said she was not on anything.

At some point during the night she started crying and yelling, asking why we were not closer. I let her know that we were not close for many, many reasons, but being an alcoholic for my entire life did not help the situation at all.

She let me know that we should just put that behind us and start over. For some reason, in her head, it was expected for me to forget about my entire childhood, forget about her passing out before 5 every night, forget about her constantly breaking promises to me because she was “sick”, forget about her not ever being there for me.

The night ended with her screaming, throwing food around the table and storming out of the place.

I’m not really sure to do at this point. From this point, clearly I will never go out to dinner or be alone with her, ever again. No amount of pity could change that. But, I still enjoy my fathers company and generally enjoy going out to eat with him, I wish he was not so good at ignoring my mothers insanity. I want to be able to talk to him about this fucked up person he married, but he always just brushes it aside.

I want to yell at him, shake him and somehow make him understand that everything will not be alright. Things are not alright.


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