This Southern Faggot's Blog


town talk
July 11, 2010, 11:01 pm
Filed under: Questions, Things to notice | Tags:

I just want to lay down and cry somewhere. For a really long time. I don’t want to have to be worried about being bothered, or having to talk to anyone.

I don’t know if this is because this town has finally taken its toll on me and I just can’t make it here any longer. Or maybe I am just having an especially bad, disappointed-in-everyone-and-everything-around-me day.

I really enjoy this post that Mattilda made and feel myself thinking a lot of the same things. Especially “Sometimes I have absolutely no idea what makes me feel better or worse. Absolutely no idea.”

I understand the things that make me happy, in this town. Sometimes I wonder if I find this town bearable, because I know what things don’t make me happy, so I can just avoid them. But I find myself trying to think about the things that do make me happy here and they are very few and far between. Or, they are things that I could have anywhere. Things like gardening, ducks at the park, rope swings, reading at coffee shops all make me really happy, so that is ALL I spend my time doing.

But I am finding it more and more difficult to find true happiness in these things. I mean, plants and ducks are wonderful, but I am beginning to see that I need more in my life. Not much more, I don’t think, but at least a couple people and a few places that I would consider ‘safe’. These things are disappearing quickly… or I am just realizing they were not safe in the first place.

I have been thinking a lot of New Orleans. I feel like that town has a lot to offer me.

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1 Comment so far
Leave a comment

Darling, I’m so glad you enjoyed that post — sometimes when I write those types of things I end up wondering why, even though of course I write about those types of things all the time, because I need to…

But it’s nice to hear when someone appreciates it, too!

Love —
mattilda

Comment by mattilda bernstein sycamore




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