This Southern Faggot's Blog


Oink
December 30, 2010, 1:01 am
Filed under: Interesting day, Learnin! | Tags: , , ,

Something about visiting NYC made me feel really, really into sex again. Or maybe, made me feel sexy again.

I fucked myself for the first time in FOREVER yesterday and it was really amazing. When I say forever, I mean that I really don’t remember the last time anything has gone in my ass. It’s been over a year if not more.

Anyway, recently, within the past couple of months, I have been spending a lot of time wondering if I have been just looking in all the wrong places. Or maybe more specifically, into the wrong scenes. It seems that, at least, right now, I am finding myself mostly interested in the pig scene. At this point in my life I have always considered myself pretty submissive, but maybe that isn’t the case. I need to think more about this.



That boy
December 28, 2010, 4:16 pm
Filed under: People to remember | Tags: , ,

I have been chatting with that boy, a whole fucking lot lately. You remember, the one who drove an hour down here in the middle of the night.

Anyway, we have been chatting a whole lot and it has been kind of nice. I mean, politically I am sure that we do not get along at all, but I have been avoiding that, because we have been able to talk about so much more. He keeps talking about how much fun he had with me and I would agree. I am kind of pissed off that he moved away so soon, but apparently he will be coming back a couple of times early in this next semester, so I have that to look forward to.

We have been trading a lot of jerk off videos back and forth, which has been a lot of fun and inspired me to take more. Oh the internet!



Has “so much” really happened?
December 28, 2010, 4:12 pm
Filed under: eh, People I wish I could forget | Tags: , ,

I just got back from NYC. It was a very interesting trip, to say the least.

My layover in Knoxville ended up being 44 hours, which was absolutely terrible and kind of ruined a big part of the trip for me. It was really interesting though, because on the ride to Knoxville, everyone around me was either using that great “adam & steve” line or talking openly about how awul fags are, which is whatever. But then at the very end of our stay in Knoxville, I was talking with this dude who was in the back of the bus. Very loudly, not saying anything to stop his friends from being assholes. Anyway, I started chatting with him and he ends up telling me that he his bisexual and runs this nude cleaning service back home where he lives. He talks about sucking dicks for money for a bit and eventually says that he is sorry that his friends were such assholes. He was clearly looking for me to say that it was okay that he didn’t say anything. I ended up letting him know that it was kind of fucked up that he very obviously didn’t say anything. Not even the bro “nah dude, thats cool I don’t give a shit what other people do” thing.

Overall NYC was a very strange trip. I was really glad to see my friends, but I just could not get into the city. It just got so frustrating that so many people refuse to open up in public, I guess afraid that if they open up they might get hurt. People would get on the train and sing or dance and people would just look away and pretend that was not happening. I mean, I guess you see that every day, whatever, but really, its probably okay to at least acknowledge that is something is happening around you.

I did think that it was really interesting that manhunt, adam4adam, craigslist, all of those sites, look exactly the same up there, as they do down here. Everyone is looking for masculine, str8 actin dudes, even in the city. I was expecting something different, but I guess I don’t really know what. I mean, I was able to find a few interesting people, which was nice.

Now that I am back home, I am really missing those couple of interesting people on those various websites. Even though I didn’t actually meet any of them, it was just nice to be reminded that they exist. Down here, I am constantly looking for that reassurance, but I never get it.

I was hoping to come home to fabulous weather down here, but it is just as cold here as it was in NYC. Normally I love winter, but this winter I was over it from the beginning.



Downhill
December 17, 2010, 7:01 am
Filed under: People I wish I could forget | Tags: ,

I don’t really know what happened. Maybe it was nothing. But my mood drastically changed, for the worse. I really, really don’t want to sleep on the floor of the Greyhound station again. I don’t want to be around those people. People who don’t give a shit about me.

People who I don’t give a shit about.

I want someone to pretend that they care. I want someone to say “yea, that really sucks that you can’t get to where you want to go”. I know they can’t do anything and I know they don’t really care. But maybe I would like someone to at least pretend.

I actually ended up in a bar, for the first time in fucking forever. I am drinking a beer, which I also have not done in forever. Having all these people around me, but being able to completely ignore them, is really comforting. I know no one cares, but I like to imagine that everyone is watching me type over in the corner, occasionally looking up and hating everything I see.

I don’t know how to make this better. Right now, at this very moment, the idea of finishing my trip to NYC seems impossible right now. I don’t understand how I will be able to finish.

Maybe I will wake up in the morning and everything will be better. Maybe I will get a good nights sleep and my bus will come and I won’t have to be in this mother fucking town anymore. I really want to like this town. I don’t want to wish that everyone in the world was dead when I think about this town.

I need to try and go to bed.



Everything is so hard
December 17, 2010, 12:22 am
Filed under: People to remember, UGH | Tags: , ,

I am spending another night in this town, but I think I found a boy who will let me shower and sleep at his house. I. am. so. ready. to get these bus juices off of me.

At the beginning of this trip I had to decide early on which bathrooms to use. I ended up using the mens bathroom, because of facial hair issues (oh god it has been so long since I have gotten to shave), but it actually isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I very clearly make everyone uncomfortable in the bathroom, so I don’t really have to worry about anything trying to talk to me, or even be near me. It is kind of nice, it feels like I have the whole thing to myself.

I found out that the Greyhound terminal actually does have internet, just in a very limited location (the signal is strongest in the bathroom, which I love). Having the internet makes this whole situation so much better. It is starting to feel like some sort of very strange sleep over. A sleep over where I don’t know anyone and everything is really hard. But still, a sleep over, which I remember being fun, so this is starting to feel a little better.

I don’t know how I feel about Knoxville. So far all I have seen is a bunch of white college kids, which makes me hate this town. Someone next to me just said that this town has 3,200 more cops than Black people. I don’t know how accurate that actually is, but it feels about right.

I guess I need to see what that boy is up to. Hes real cute, in the way that I would assume he would not be in me, but whatever. He is listed as a punk on Adam4Adam, but I think he might mean that in a very different way than I do.



Traveling! Oh no.

I am on my way to NYC to visit a good friend of mine. I decided to take the Greyhound, because it was $50 cheaper than taking a train, but after this I don’t think I will ever take the Greyhound again. I mean, I have only taken the Greyhound twice, but both times it has been pretty awful. I am glad that that one dude finally stopped talking about Adam & Eve vs. Adam & Steve. I didn’t really even know that people were still using that, maybe he didn’t get the memo. A few stops into our ride I started talking with this nice girl. It turns out she is Queer (well, she is one of those people who use gay as an umbrella term) and it has been a while since I have had that secret-society-queer feeling, it was kind of nice. She told me how brave I was for being who I am, or whatever, but it would have meant a lot more if she said something when everyone around her on the bus was calling me a faggot.

We have been in Knoxville, TN since 1 this morning, which is when our bus was supposed to leave. It is now 9 hours later and we are still iced in. I was able to sleep quite a bit, but I don’t know how much longer I will be able to stay in this little room. Part of me is having a lot of fun watching all of these wildly different personalities interact.

The jeasus lady finally stopped talking loudly about all the wonderful things jesus has done for her. Everyone seemed to hate her a lot, which I find comfort in.

I did find out that I really like the town of Jackson, TN. The greyhound station was adorable and clearly had not been changed since 1938. I could defiantly see myself living in that town, they had some sort of arts center across the street from the bus station. It looked real big, I wonder if I could work there.

The cute boy with the comically huge glasses, but in the I-am-a-huge-nerd-not-a-hipster way, just sat next to me. Aw.

Did I already mention how hungry I am? I should have brought more food. I wish a taco truck would drive by.

Update: I found a vegan pizza place. I accidentally bought a $30 pizza. The greyhound station gave everyone two dollars to buy food AND AT THE SAME TIME Roseanne came on the tv. Maybe my life is picking up after all.

I put a post up on craigslist. I am also responding to a few. Someone can’t host and I told them I could host at the Greyhound Station. I hope that goes through, how much fun would that be?!



Oh Rly?
December 12, 2010, 8:21 am
Filed under: eh, mom | Tags: ,

Apparently I was mentioned in “The Best of LGBT Blogs” post by guidetoonlineschools.com. Here is the description.

“A provocative title, a well-written blog. He ventures into his past for memories about sneaking “gay” books out of the library, or what it means to be “out of it.” His honest accounts of feeling isolated even within the gay community can echo with any reader who has ever felt on the outside of something they thought they had an insider’s pass to.”
I mean, I appreciate the thought, I guess. But really? So many hes? If people read this and only remember the one post that I talk about the library, I would be real sad.