This Southern Faggot's Blog

The distance
February 24, 2011, 6:14 am
Filed under: New projects, People to remember, Projects | Tags: , ,

Sometimes the physical distance that I have from the handful of Queers that I love in the world is empowering. Sometimes I don’t think about the physical distance and how great it actually is. And how those lines and borders that exist between you and me change and how people and cultures change across those borders.And I don’t mean borders between countries, but simply between states. I mean, countries too, but specifically, states.

Sometimes that distance is fine and I am able to still feel connected to those handful of Queers who I love. But sometimes the distance is really oppressive and sits on my shoulder all day, ever day.

Recently that distance has been more of the not so great part.

I think that this always happens to me, every year around this same time, but I always forget. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I have this problem of idealizing my summer time. And I never make any solid plans, so then all these awesome plans don’t really ever have any chance of getting off the ground.

But how can I fix that? I mean, aside from just setting specific dates and making myself leave on those dates. I am always really jealous of people who can just travel around and never really seem to make any sort of schedule. Is their a secret into doing that, or do I just not have the ability to make that feel right for myself?

I got offered this job at this theater in this tiny town in Texas, but I ended up turning it down. I was not really that interested in the job, but it just felt so wrong, saying so early that yes, I will give up my summer to work for you.

I have never really thought of doing any other sort of work during the summer, my default has always been doing something in a theater. But maybe I need to look at seasonal farm work. Somewhere local would be nice.

But maybe I also need help realizing that just because I enjoy doing something for myself, does not mean I would enjoy doing it for other people. Like cleaning the house, or cooking or gardening. Maybe these are things I just need to keep to my self, other than Food Not Bombs.

But maybe all of those country songs about going off for seasonal farm work and falling in love with the farmers daughter. Maybe that could be ME! Right?

Anyway, back to summer plans. Places I need to visit:

Houston, NOLA, Athens (GA), Crossett (AR), Branson (MO) (My roomate just got an AARP membership, for some reason), Birmingham and Austin.

I need to start wheat pasting again, because I am constantly thinking about how much I miss wheat paste projects. I would love to go down and work with No More Deaths for a while and finish my still and book scanner.

That list seems manageable. I think I can do this. Of course working on my garden is in there too, but that is a given.


Faggots and Children
February 9, 2011, 10:25 pm
Filed under: Interesting day, People to remember | Tags: , , , ,

Somehow, even I don’t really like children, most of my jobs involve directly working with kids/young adults.

But it is strange, because in working around kids, I am realizing more and more every day, how much the Fagphobic society that I grew up in, has impacted me and how I think of myself.

Whenever I am talking to anyone about young folks and crushes they might have, or relationships, or anything like that, I always either leave the pronouns gender neutral, or always include both male and female pronouns, so that I am not assuming that they are (or will be) straight.

But every time I do this, I ALWAYS freak out a little inside and worry that in just by implying that they might be, or some day will be Queer, I will be accused of being a pedophile. I am always worrying about my pants being too tight, or my shirt too suggestive, or showing too much belly. I have been thinking a lot about this lately and I am realizing that somewhere in my mind, although I might not realize it at the time, I am almost always worrying about this, when I am around kids. This is really fucked up.

I think that this fear of being labeled as a child molester, pedophile, or whatever, might actually have been what most shaped my general dislike of children today. I wish that I could know what part of my dislike of kids came from this thing that I was brought up, always hearing.

Also it is snowing really hard here. I hate it.

Punk boys
February 4, 2011, 7:25 pm
Filed under: Faggot Rant, People to remember | Tags: ,

What. The. Fuck is up with all these fucking hot, stinky punk boys that I had a crush on, moving away and then telling me on facebook and they are bi now. They have been bi all along.

Why did you not tell me!

Do you not realize how much nasty, smelly ass sex we could have been having at all those punk houses? Y’all all know I am a big ole faggot, WHY WOULD YOU NEVER MENTION THIS.

One boy got on facebook chat and we were talking and he just brought up out of the blue how he went to some adult video store and let some dude fuck him in the ass for a while, but he had to stop cause spit makes awful lube. I mean, of course it is awful. But then, before telling me any more about the experience, he was all “whoops, gotta go!” and left! What! You can’t do that to me!

And of course, all of these boys have moved away, so now they are just teasing me from afar. What the fuck.

I mean, it is kind of nice because they have all promised me that I will be receiving n00dz soon, which would be fabulous. It would be really neat to have those two worlds intersect. You know, the world of noodz on the internet and the crusty punk world. God, what a delicious combination.

But really
February 4, 2011, 7:18 pm
Filed under: Faggot Rant, People I wish I could forget | Tags: , ,

But really, why can’t people just call me a faggot, to my face? Why do they have to do it while I am walking down the street, or playing DDR, or by yelling it at my house?

What kind of world do we live in, that is so impersonal, you can’t even take the time to insult someone to their face? I mean, look at me. I am just un-intimidating faggot, wearing all pink and purple, walking down the street. Are you worried I might hit you? I mean, sure I fight dirty and I have no problem with a good ole kick in the crotch, but I save that for special situations.

Are you worried that I will cut my self and get my nasty faggot blood on you?

Or do you just know that when I ask you why you think that is okay, you won’t have any answer?

I just want someone to be able to call me a faggot, to my face. I want to be able to see the expression on your face and I want to be able to see your eyes. The eyes always give away your intentions. Maybe you are afraid that if I can see your eyes, I will be able to see that you are not angry or disgusted when you call me a faggot, but scared. Maybe you don’t want me to know that you are not angry.

All our neighbors

I think you will remember me talking about the neighbors under us. They are great, right? Apparently not.

Our downstairs neighbor apparently hates dogs, so she yelled at the new dog living at my house (who is part pit bull, but super nice) and the dog growled back, which she was not about at all. She ran up the stairs, told my new roommate that she was going to shoot his dog, which she of course won’t, but whatever. She yelled at us about the dog a few more times after that, so we have been walking him out the back and doing whatever we can do to keep them apart. But the day before we take in our rent, my new roommate is in his room and he can hear our neighbor yelling, very loud, about how all she knows is that the faggots upstairs aren’t going to have that dog any more. She yelled faggot a few more times and then stopped.

But the day after she called us all faggots (to our house, not to our face, of course), our pipes froze, burst and flooded their house! I don’t believe in karma, but if I did…

Anyway, when the awful woman came up to ask me if our house was flooding, we talked very briefly and she started walking back down the stairs. I asked her why she thought it was okay to call us Faggots and told her she should really just stay to to our face. She just kept on walking so I asked her if she was going to address what I just said and she said that she just yelled about the dog and has a lesbian living at her house (so of course she would NEVER call us faggots). Clearly I told her she was lieing, but even if she was not, she better fucking be more careful about who she lets around her house. She totally just brushed the whole thing off and walked back downstairs.

5 minutes later, she has the nerve to walk into our kitchen, uninvited and chatted to me and the plumber like we were fucking friends. I told her to get out, we don’t allow asshole bigots in our house and she left without a word.

Why can’t we get along with any of our fucking neighbors, EVER. We are the best neighbors, when you are not assholes.

Also, I told our landlords that we might have to print out some Tom of Finland posters to hang on our back porch and they seemed to think that was a good idea. I love my landlords so much.