This Southern Faggot's Blog

So happy
September 1, 2012, 4:26 pm
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I’m so happy right now and it feels really good. Not happy right now as in right this very second. But in general, I am really happy where life has plopped me. 

Maybe that’s why I don’t update this very much anymore. When I’m in a generally good mood, I don’t feel like writing, I just want to be outside, or playing with my dog, or sitting at the waffle house. 

Two years ago here I was talking about needing to find something to do. But, things just seemed to click. I am doing something right now that two years ago I would have never dreamed to be possible, or even imagined myself doing. Two years I didn’t have a picture of my life in 5 years, but I now have a better picture of what my life will look like in the distant future. Of course, all of that could change and come to a sudden halt, but let’s hope they don’t, okay?

Summer is finally winding down here and that’s an amazing feeling. It is now dipping below 80 degrees at night and that is just amazing. We had a cold spell a few weeks ago (I think it only reached 70 during the day!) and all those years of fall/winter time sadness came washing over me, but in that way I get a lot of comfort from. I don’t want to forget those past seasons, which used to be filled with depression and loneliness. I don’t want to forget… but apparently I never will. That sort of weather will always remind me of walking around parks all night long, no where to go, nothing to be doing. Just walking, starring into the nothing and being incredibly sad about everything. I don’t regret those times and I’m super happy I made it through. I don’t want to forget and I’m glad I’m not easily able to.

I’m ready for fall to be here. I’m ready to be swimming in those past emotions every time I step outside. The smell of oak leaves, smoke in the air and the constant sound of leaves falling and crunching under my feet. I am ready to be submerged in those emotions again, but I am glad I have ways to protect myself from them. 

I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t live somewhere with 4 distinct seasons. Don’t you get bored?