This Southern Faggot's Blog


Wait, is this happening again?
November 5, 2012, 4:51 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s been so, so long since I have truly “fallen for” someone. It has been so long that I actually didn’t think it would ever happen again, I actually thought I had been hurt so many times I was no longer capable of this. But, turns out I’m not. But… how do I feel about that?  

Am I upset at myself, because I’m opening up myself to being hurt again? Shouldn’t I be smarter than to try to allow someone into my life, or enter someones life? 

Am I hopeful that ‘this time it will be different’? I recognize that this person and I have a lot in common. They are super easy to talk to and aren’t afraid to talk about difficult things. We share a lot of the same interests, including some sexual interests, which is nice (When asked what they are ‘into’, they replied ‘making out for hours and ending with a blow job and then cuddling’… perfect! Well, I would prefer more hair pulling and biting, but this is getting close). 

It’s funny because this person has been my neighbor for 2 years and we finally met via OKCupid. After we met I realized he was the “beautiful boy next door” that I had seen a few times and wondered about. 

He is, of course, currently dating this boy that I know, so that’s a thing. We walk around the neighborhood a whole lot and he talks about their relationship being ‘open’, but they haven’t really talked about what that means for them, specifically, so there are some red flags. Or at least one. Of course, I only want to ask them for the specifics (on if we can make out or not) when I’m drunk. You know, because I’m a big ole sissy that doesn’t know how to talk about ‘those sorts of feelings’ out loud. But, I need to get over that pretty soon. 

I guess we’ll see where this goes. Walking and talking with this person is really nice, but fuck it’s been… years since I have made out with anyone. How does that even happen? Anyway, it’s been years so that would be nice too. 

This is my 301st blog post here on TSF. I don’t really have much else to say, other than this thing has been incredibly helpful for me in the past. I know it’s really good for me to write in it frequently, but I don’t and I’m not sure why. Part of me wonders if I’m not thinking about things as much as I used to. Maybe I’m refusing to think or analyze my thoughts and emotions, afraid of what I’ll find. Maybe it’s something else, I don’t know. Part of me wonders if interesting things/thought just haven’t been happening to me over the past year… I hope that’s not the case. Anyway, yes this is my 301st blog post. 

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