This Southern Faggot's Blog


So it’s gonna be forever (or it’s gonna go down in flames)
May 4, 2016, 2:43 pm
Filed under: eh, Faggot Rant, my head hurts., Rants, This town | Tags: , ,

 

I am so, so fucking emotionally exhausted all of the time as of lately and I don’t really see how that is going to change in the near, or even distant, future.

I live in a world where each and every second of the day, I am reminded that people don’t think I should exist.

I can’t go into any bathroom, ever, without wondering what sort of shit I’m going to have to put up with.

At work each day, I work with young folks who are *much worse* off than I am, yet I have to try and convince them it will be *okay*.

But I don’t know if, or when, it will ever be okay. How the fuck am I qualified to try and tell people things will be okay? How much longer can I go on trying to tell people it will be okay, when I’m not sure when, or if, it will ever be okay.

I want to curl up and just cry all night long, but I know this won’t make anything okay, so it’s hard to justify that to myself.

I think a lot of this is coming from not seeing my friends a lot lately. Having this friend time is the only break I get in life, from being continually reminded that I shouldn’t exist. I need these people in my life to remind me that I belong here.

Without them, my emotional well-being is suffering greatly and I really don’t know how to feel about that. In my mind, I am such a solitary creature. But this past month has been a painful reminder that this just isn’t true.

I gotta make some changes in my life. I know that folks *are busy*, but I can’t go much longer without seeing the people in my life that are so important to me.

In very related news, I finally started listening to 1989 and this album is my everything right now.

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